


goodnight moon

by tablecloth



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Gen, M/M, character study sort of, dream - Freeform, its not serious, minor spoilers for mishimas social link probably around rank 3 or 4ish - Freeform, unrequited crush??? idealization????? you know mishima
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 01:02:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11680749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tablecloth/pseuds/tablecloth
Summary: "The-- the new poll?" Mishima stammers despite himself. He has no recollection of creating a new poll, so maybe Kurusu is misusing jargon or something. Perhaps he means a new post or discussion thread. Mishima is about to offer that possibility but is cut short by the Phan-Site's mobile homepage abruptly taking up his field of vision, Kurusu's phone now directly in front of Mishima's face. Mishima has little trouble adjusting, however, on account of his pragmatic web-design choices; the high contrast ratio and large, center-aligned text allows Mishima to efficiently read exactly what Kurusu is referring to:I HAVE A HUGE BONER 4 KURUSU AKIRA, the poll reads.--(mishima dreams about akira)





	goodnight moon

There's something off when Kurusu sidles over to Mishima in the hallway. It's a feeling of blanketing incoordination, everything simultaneously simple and complex, like when a streaming site requests that adblockers be disabled but then the frame-rate starts bugging out all the time. The students' walking sequences are meshing together while separate frames of Kurusu's approach won't disappear after they emerge. It's actually not as dizzying in execution as it would seem in theory, and maybe it's that missing cue that keeps Mishima mesmerized. The entire picture is a pretty adequate tip-off that he's dreaming and yet he doesn't think much of it. Regrettable, maybe, but Mishima has never been exceptionally partial to reality.

So when Kurusu's mouth upturns in that devilishly charming grin Mishima has never seen directed at himself, he only melts further into the ersatz world. Kurusu props his hand against the wall adjacent to Mishima's head, dipping in minutely, and Mishima's palms sweat. He vacantly worries in the fictional-narrative way dreams have that anyone could see them right now, and a zero like Mishima is a social liability. He would absolutely never want to be a burden on Kurusu-kun! He does nothing about it, however.

"Thanks for all the hard work you put into the Phan-Site," dream-Kurusu says, hushed because he wouldn't want to put Mishima in danger by letting the wrong person overhear. That's what Mishima got the replica gun for, after all. Kurusu smells good, though the notion is more of an idea than an actual scent, like when he's coding the Site and he knows that #ee0808 is the red he uses but he can't actually see it without previewing the page. Regardless, Kurusu smells like the impression of concentrated coffee and the bar soap he uses and it makes Mishima distracted. When he remembers to respond, he makes a non-committal (he needs to play it cool) yet appreciative (he wouldn't want to just blow off Kurusu's praise) sound.

Before Kurusu even speaks, Mishima already has a bad feeling (a result of being a dream's composer). "I read the new poll," Kurusu tilts his head a bit, his soft, captivating eyes suddenly obscured by the sheen of his glasses. Mishima has seen anime, knows the symbolism behind a lens glare, and that makes him feel even further ill in subconscious foreshadowing. The sensation of his stomach dropping resonates throughout the dreamscape, linoleum floor wobbling imperceptibly. Everything suddenly seems unpredictable and Mishima swallows nerves down a dry throat.

"The-- the new poll?" Mishima stammers despite himself. He has no recollection of creating a new poll, so maybe Kurusu is misusing jargon or something. Not to patronize Kurusu or anything of course but Mishima can't be sure to what length Kurusu's forum knowledge extends. Perhaps he means a new post or discussion thread. Mishima is about to offer that possibility but is cut short by the Phan-Site's mobile homepage abruptly taking up his field of vision, Kurusu's phone now directly in front of Mishima's face. Mishima has little trouble adjusting, however, on account of his pragmatic web-design choices; the high contrast ratio and large, center-aligned text allows Mishima to efficiently read exactly what Kurusu is referring to:

 _I HAVE A HUGE BONER 4 KURUSU AKIRA,_ the poll reads.

Mishima stares it over, dumbfounded. It's not even a question. There aren't answers to choose from. It's just a statement. To be more specific, it's a statement showcased in red font on black highlight, sans the terms _BONER_ and _KURUSU AKIRA_ , which are in bolded white font. A declaration, one might even suggest it to be. He looks at Kurusu who looks back at him, eyes mischievous but not necessarily mean. Kurusu smiles and tells him to "read what it says."

"Um," Mishima rubs the back of his neck. "I did--" Mishima begins, but Kurusu cuts him off.

"Aloud," Kurusu specifies, the shadow of a smirk playing on the edges of his lips. It makes him look really cool, actually. Mishima should probably stand his ground but it's not like he actually made the poll, so there's nothing to be ashamed of. It was probably just a glitch or something. This stuff happens. Besides, if Kurusu wants him to read it out loud then he probably has a good reason. He doesn't seem like the type to do things arbitrarily; he's a Phantom Thief, for crying out loud! And so Mishima orates the sentence.

It's somewhere between saying the word _huge_ and _boner_ that Mishima's body catches up with him, cheeks and tips of ears burning with self-consciousness; it's between _for_ and _Kurusu_ that Mishima's dream-narrative generously grants him the dream-memory of having actually written this phrase, except having been under the impression that it was going into a private journal and not the Phan-Site poll. He can't believe he made a mistake like that, but the mortification is taking a moment to settle in so he finishes what he's begun. It's on the _ki_ in _Akira_ that Mishima's voice cracks, causing a wave of hot shame to wash over his body. He cautiously chances a look at Kurusu's face.

Kurusu is still there physically but as far as Mishima's dream consciousness is concerned, Kurusu is actually Akiyama now. Kurusu-Akiyama cackles loud and cruel and Mishima bristles, impulsively swatting the phone out of Kurusu-Akiyama's hand. The phone shatters unnaturally when it hits the ground.

"The fuck is your problem, Zero?!" Kurusu-Akiyama shouts, and Mishima fumes. The entire ambience has shifted into something akin to those Western anti-bullying campaign short films, and Mishima plays his role as the victimized teen with impressive ease.

"Screw you!" Mishima yells, feeling humiliated and angry but also emboldened. He shoves past Kurusu-Akiyama and beyond him to Central Street, where the streetlamps and neon signs light Shibuya. The logical non sequiturs make plenty of sense in their own context and so Mishima thinks nothing of the change. He storms up the stairs to the diner and finds Kurusu in the booth they typically discuss Phantom PR business in.

Something about Kurusu's slight features as he sips his drink causes all of Mishima's anger to dissipate on sight, the passion of his anger metamorphosing into his familiar passion for justice (and, by extension, for the Phantom Thieves).

"Sorry! I had school," Mishima apologizes inanely as he slides into the seat across from Kurusu. Kurusu smiles at him as if he had been waiting (which is a bit funny because Mishima is always the one waiting) and says that it's fine, he hasn't been here long.

Mishima huffs out a sigh of relief before unzipping his backpack to take out a composition notebook. He straightens before announcing, business-like,

"So I'm in love with you, and I think I have a really good idea for the Phan-Site." He taps the notebook to indicate its significance and opens it shortly thereafter. Kurusu nods intently as a signal for Mishima to continue.

"Okay, so I was thinking: we might be able to get more hits on the Site-- and more requests as a result-- if we add another feature to draw people in, you know?"

"What did you have in mind?" Kurusu prompts, looking collected yet eager to hear more.

Within the dream-narrative, Mishima has been anticipating giving this pitch all day. "I think something like a virtual pet element might be appealing," Mishima starts, flipping through the composition notebook attentively even though he is not actually reading anything from it. "Each Phan could choose an animal or fantasy creature to customize but to also groom and feed. That way, users would have more of an obligation to the Site! They probably already have a strong set of ethics if they're in the Phandom, so they obviously wouldn't want to neglect their Phan-pet." Mishima pauses to gauge Kurusu's reaction. So far so good. "I was actually also thinking it might be valuable to add a virtual economy in order to bolster incentive even more." Mishima chews his lip with apprehension. "What do you think?"

Kurusu is hard to read as always, but he seems unusually contemplative. "Mishima," he says, levelling his gaze with Mishima's own. Kurusu doesn't often address him by name, but when he does, it makes Mishima's generalized anxiety flutter romantically. Kurusu leans in. "I want you to join us," he asserts conspiratorily, one hand spread open on the table as he half-stands. It takes Mishima a few seconds to comprehend what he's heard, and then he freezes.

"Wait-- You don't mean--?" Mishima attempts, but he's at a loss for words. Not only that, but he's distracted by the slim distance separating his face from Kurusu's. Kurusu smiles, looking prettier than Mishima thinks any boy has the right to be (that exact thought is actually a line verbatim from a BL manga scan Mishima may have been skimming through online recently), and nods with an enthusiasm Mishima has never seen him wear.

Kurusu takes Mishima's hands in his own and gently tugs him forward so that they're both leaning into one another across the table. Kurusu's eyes reflect the unabashed earnesty Mishima is usually donning and it's certainly atypical but not bad by any means. Mishima isn't generally good at maintaining eye contact but Kurusu's gaze is steady and resolute, as well as too close to look away from now. "You would be an amazing asset to the Phantom Thieves..." Kurusu murmurs. He pulls Mishima closer, moving farther into Mishima's space until his lips brush the curve of Mishima's ear. "Yuuki-kun," Kurusu finishes in a whisper. He punctuates the assertion with a squeeze of Mishima's hands but suddenly Mishima is not in the diner anymore, he's somewhere dark and hot and oppressive, his heartbeat racing and his bangs matted uncomfortably to his forehead.

Oh. It's his bed. That makes sense. He was sleeping.

He kicks his comforter so that it flips over on itself and off of his leg, exhaling a deep breath at the feeling of fresh air. He fumbles his hand around the area he usually leaves his phone to charge only to find the cord bereft of his cell phone. He sighs, still drowsy, and lifts his torso a bit in order to search under himself. He finds his phone beneath his abdomen, overheated and three-quarters dead. He checks the time-- 02:05-- and unlocks it, opening to the last instant messages he sent before falling asleep.

> _Hi, Kurusu! Yuuki here._

> _How are you? Sure hope your long weekend has been going well! Mine has been less than eventful, haha..._

> _But! That's not why I contacted you!_

> _Just thought I'd let you know that the Phantom Thieves' approval rating is through the roof! Last night alone there was a 3.6% increase._

> _I'm sure it will keep jumping higher at the rate the Phantom Thieves are going..!_

> _Well, you're probably away from your phone right now so I guess I'll be off, haha. Seeya!_

The name "Kurusu Akira" in the conversation header jogs his memory a bit and he's almost startled with vague embarrassment. The last few moments of the dream flicker through him, subtle slivers of memory becoming sharper upon inspection. His vague embarrassment quickly evolves into something distinct and overwhelming as he recalls with uncanny definition the way Kurusu said his given name. A flush burns all the way down his neck and beyond, but it can't be helped. Mishima puts his phone aside and pushes his sheets completely off of his body, turning onto his back in hopes to ward off the suffocating heat. He slides his bangs off of his forehead and closes his eyes, the sweat on his face cooling refreshingly in the night air. He holds his breath and counts down from twenty, desperately trying to will away the hard-on he has.

It's not even as though he's gay or anything! Which makes the situation kind of funny, actually. Kurusu is just, like, universally attractive. Mishima's even heard Takamaki and Sakamoto talking about that, so it's not as though he's trying to make excuses for himself or something. Getting aroused by random stuff is perfectly normal and healthy anyway, which means there doesn't have to be any significance to this. Even if this has happened a bunch of times before, which it has, guys get turned on by _everything_ at this age. There's no reason for him to be getting all embarrassed at all. It's just biology or anatomy or one of those, actually both probably, whatever. Getting a boner for Kurusu is--

Mishima pauses his train of thought as something in the back of his mind reacts to his internal monologue. It definitely has to do with the dream, something from the beginning, he feels. He opens his eyes to squint at the shadowed ceiling as he tries to probe his memory. He had just been thinking about what-- "having a boner for Kurusu"? He mulls it over. Boner for Kurusu, Boner for Kurusu... Oh! Oh. Ohh, wow, haha. Such a weird dream, that he would make the Phan-Site poll something like that... That he would even write that in the first place is so weird! He contemplates it a bit further and then groans, slinging his arm over his eyes and cringing at himself. "Ohhh my _god_ ," he whines quietly, lamenting to no one in particular. The frustrating part is that it's not even false. He _does_ have a boner for Kurusu Akira and-- geez, okay, that's a bad way of wording it.

He lies still for a few minutes, internally chastising himself for being the way he is. He'll think on this more later, maybe, possibly, but he should just get back to sleep for now. There's school tomorrow (today?) and potentially interaction with Kurusu. He can't have stayed up all night worrying over something like hormones, or whatever. Dreams are just random anyway. He's dreamt about a ton of weird stuff before and didn't think twice about it so how is this any different, really? He reaches over to plug his phone back in and realizes with a glimpse that his IM has been met with a response.

> _K._

Mishima stares at the single letter and elation slowly bubbles in his chest. He really is so fortunate to be friends with Kurusu.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i love mishima but you gotta just be realistic sometimes. talk to me about p5 or literally anything please!


End file.
